Hooray! We’ve landed in another world to help our friends, and have promptly been captured and imprisoned! Aren’t we clever Warriors of Light? We’re giving Firion a run for his money!
Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep V: Of Hell’s Bells and Galloping Galufs
Category Archives: Let’s Play…
Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep. IV: Yep, We Still Suck
To recap our lighthearted romp through FFVland: three Crystals are kaput, our first ship has sunk, Faris is still the most glorious pirate, Lenna is a friend to everything with fur and scales, Galuf has regained at least some of his memories, and Butz is still a charming goofball. So, can our erstwhile Four Warriors of Light save the remaining Crystal?
…no.
Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep III: Fire & Water
All right, that last episode was very trying, so I have to rec this Faris cosplay to make myself feel better. Also this fanart, from Cumuluscastle.
We left our star-crossed pirate in the dark night of the soul.
Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep. II: SHIPWRECKED
Quick recap from the Advance introduction to FFV, to set the mood with zany plunky-plunky-plunky Uematsu music:
So our four heroes have been drafted as the Warriors of Light (WoLlies really need to form a union) and are off to the next Crystal, as soon as we can escape the Kiddie Pool Inner Sea.
Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep I: Ham and Cheese Sandwich
As usual, I’d like to start my Let’s Play Final Fantasy with (1) a link to Moogle University’s FFV write-ups which inspired my own playthrough and (2) the opening FMV from the PS1 remaster (Final Fantasy Anthology, 2003, which is what hooked me on this game despite the flatter-than-Data’s-poetry localization):
Thoughts:
- Dear Squeenix, when you turn Amano’s concept art into 3D, you do not have to leave their skin the color of a piece of paper.
- It’s amazing how quickly graphics look dated, isn’t it? But Uematsu’s music still soars.
- I adore the outrageous spines and jewels sticking out of everything, especially that pirate ship.
- Black trenchcoat? Check. Katana? Check. Bishie badassitude? Check. Sephiroth, you are a cheap imitation of the ORIGINAL appearance of this character design. Nyah nyah.
Now let’s start the iOS edition.
Okay! I’m not entirely happy with the stretched iOS redraws of the original character sprites. So, while I’m going to be screencapping from iOS FF5, I’ll be featuring some original-game sprites from videogamesprites.net for snark & commentary. Also, just to be even more confusing, the iOS version appends Amano’s original character portraits to speech boxes — concept art that the in-game sprite designers sometimes completely ignored!
Note: Boldface is actual game dialog, non-bold is my paraphrase, or…er…embellishments.
FFIV Recap, Ep. VII: To the Moon, Rosa!
We have acquired the legendary airship, the Lunar Whale! All aboard for our voyage of discovery!
Exploring our shiny new airship, we find… we find…
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
FFIV Recap, Ep VI: I Aten’t Ded Yet
Last time on “Let’s Play Final Fantasy IV,” we met Freddicante, the leg-baring, spandex-rocking, nipple-flashing Archfiend of Fire.
He trounced Edge the Ninja Prince of Eblan and swooshed off with his back to the party of adventurers and their assorted bows, lances, bigass swords and summons.
Fucks given? Zero.
(See this, Squeenix? Seriously. See this? Your final boss is usually BORING. This is why you don’t kill off your minibosses like Gilgamesh, Rubicante and Jihl Nabaat prematurely.)
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. V: Only the PCs Die Young
Hurrah! We have rescued Rosa from the Tower of Zot!
Whoops, wrong Zot.
It turns out that the Tower of Zot is not the Bigass Tower on the map. In fact, it is not marked anywhere on the world map. Is that allowed?
Before we can tackle the Bigass Tower, the Path of Plot Advancement decrees that we must head to the underworld.
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. IV: Boris Vallejo Feminism
Before we go gadding off in our new airship Enterprise, let us pause a moment to admire our Four Warriors of Technicolor.
The colors are fantastic — including Cecil’s blue lipstick — but I can’t help noticing that all the female characters have now dropped out of the party for one reason or another.
Cidface: 🙁
But first! Nothing says “sidequests” quite like “The clock is ticking, and your girlfriend or maybe even the entire world is facing imminent destruction!”
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Episode III: The Power of Shiny
Last time on Let’s Play Final Fantasy IV, our Batman angstbucket hero made lots of friends.
And lost them.
Let’s review Cecil’s Very Bad Week.
- slaughtered innocent civilians while stealing their Crystal, feels remorse
- lost his position as proud leader of the Red Wings air brigade
- lost faith in / betrayed by the king who raised him as a son
- too stupid to realize the king was using him again for dastardly deeds
- accidentally burned a village to the ground and killed a bunch of summoners
- including the mother of a sweet child he’s now guarding in atonement
- except now he’s lost the child and she’s probably drowned or dead
- attacked by an Octomammoth, which means that somewhere, in some fanfic, Cecil is stuck in tentacle!porn hell
- failed to save the kingdoms of Damcyan and Fabul from assault by the troops he used to command
- three out of four Crystals now in enemy hands thanks to his failures
- best friend has betrayed and tried to kill him
- girlfriend nearly died, then kidnapped by villain just to torment Cecil
- shipwrecked on the way to rescue said girlfriend
- as far as Cecil knows, the friends he dragged along on that rescue mission are dead
- girlfriend is gorgeous and underdressed, yet he’s trapped inside armor that requires Jaws of Life to remove, so they probably haven’t even made it to first base
- he’s named Cecil Harvey.
Ouch. Surely things can’t get any worse?
Ahahahaha. Let’s go find out.