Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep. VI: How to Fail While Succeeding

Welp! Back in the “Let’s Play Final Fantasy” saddle after a real life “ack, the ‘rents are visiting!” hiatus.

(This chunk will be a bit short. You don’t mind, do you?)

As per Galuf’s last wishes, it’s time for us to launch his long-delayed assault on Castle ExDeath. I would pretend that this is the endgame, except that I’ve played FFV before, and cannot help but be aware that this is really the “Let’s go to Zanarkand / City of the Ancients / Lunatic Pandora / OOPS there’s more plot”  dungeon. Still, here we are.

FFV: Castle Exdeath

Krile, why are you standing in quicksand?
Continue reading

Share on FacebookShare on TumblrPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Reddit

FFIV Recap, Ep VI: I Aten’t Ded Yet

Last time on “Let’s Play Final Fantasy IV,” we met Freddicante, the leg-baring, spandex-rocking, nipple-flashing Archfiend of Fire.

He trounced Edge the Ninja Prince of Eblan and swooshed off with his back to the party of adventurers and their assorted bows, lances, bigass swords and summons.

FFIV: Until We Meet Again

Fucks given? Zero.

(See this, Squeenix? Seriously. See this? Your final boss is usually BORING. This is why you don’t kill off your minibosses like Gilgamesh, Rubicante and Jihl Nabaat prematurely.)

Continue reading

Share on FacebookShare on TumblrPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Reddit

Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. IV: Boris Vallejo Feminism

Before we go gadding off in our new airship Enterprise, let us pause a moment to admire our Four Warriors of Technicolor.

FFIV: No female characters

The colors are fantastic — including Cecil’s blue lipstick — but I can’t help noticing that all the female characters have now dropped out of the party for one reason or another.

Cidface: 🙁

But first! Nothing says “sidequests” quite like “The clock is ticking, and your girlfriend or maybe even the entire world is facing imminent destruction!”

Continue reading

Share on FacebookShare on TumblrPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Reddit

Final Fantasy III Recap, Episode IV: Morituri Te Salutamus

Where the heck ARE we? I’m going to shamelessly screencap the maps and add captions so we can find our way around. Here, belatedly, is the Floating Continent. The Fairy Forest isn’t marked because the Elder Tree has put up a You-Can’t-Go-Here-Now barrier, but it was just west of Castle Argus, and before that it was floating around in the desert southwest of Tokkul.

Map of Floating Continent:

FFIII: Map of Floating Continent

And here’s where we are now, on the surface world now that it’s been resurfaced:

Map of Final Fantasy III

Onward!
Continue reading

Share on FacebookShare on TumblrPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Reddit