We have acquired the legendary airship, the Lunar Whale! All aboard for our voyage of discovery!
Exploring our shiny new airship, we find… we find…
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
FFIV Recap, Ep. VII: To the Moon, Rosa!
Tag Archives: ffiv
FFIV Recap, Ep VI: I Aten’t Ded Yet
Last time on “Let’s Play Final Fantasy IV,” we met Freddicante, the leg-baring, spandex-rocking, nipple-flashing Archfiend of Fire.
He trounced Edge the Ninja Prince of Eblan and swooshed off with his back to the party of adventurers and their assorted bows, lances, bigass swords and summons.
Fucks given? Zero.
(See this, Squeenix? Seriously. See this? Your final boss is usually BORING. This is why you don’t kill off your minibosses like Gilgamesh, Rubicante and Jihl Nabaat prematurely.)
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. V: Only the PCs Die Young
Hurrah! We have rescued Rosa from the Tower of Zot!
Whoops, wrong Zot.
It turns out that the Tower of Zot is not the Bigass Tower on the map. In fact, it is not marked anywhere on the world map. Is that allowed?
Before we can tackle the Bigass Tower, the Path of Plot Advancement decrees that we must head to the underworld.
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. IV: Boris Vallejo Feminism
Before we go gadding off in our new airship Enterprise, let us pause a moment to admire our Four Warriors of Technicolor.
The colors are fantastic — including Cecil’s blue lipstick — but I can’t help noticing that all the female characters have now dropped out of the party for one reason or another.
Cidface: 🙁
But first! Nothing says “sidequests” quite like “The clock is ticking, and your girlfriend or maybe even the entire world is facing imminent destruction!”
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Episode III: The Power of Shiny
Last time on Let’s Play Final Fantasy IV, our Batman angstbucket hero made lots of friends.
And lost them.
Let’s review Cecil’s Very Bad Week.
- slaughtered innocent civilians while stealing their Crystal, feels remorse
- lost his position as proud leader of the Red Wings air brigade
- lost faith in / betrayed by the king who raised him as a son
- too stupid to realize the king was using him again for dastardly deeds
- accidentally burned a village to the ground and killed a bunch of summoners
- including the mother of a sweet child he’s now guarding in atonement
- except now he’s lost the child and she’s probably drowned or dead
- attacked by an Octomammoth, which means that somewhere, in some fanfic, Cecil is stuck in tentacle!porn hell
- failed to save the kingdoms of Damcyan and Fabul from assault by the troops he used to command
- three out of four Crystals now in enemy hands thanks to his failures
- best friend has betrayed and tried to kill him
- girlfriend nearly died, then kidnapped by villain just to torment Cecil
- shipwrecked on the way to rescue said girlfriend
- as far as Cecil knows, the friends he dragged along on that rescue mission are dead
- girlfriend is gorgeous and underdressed, yet he’s trapped inside armor that requires Jaws of Life to remove, so they probably haven’t even made it to first base
- he’s named Cecil Harvey.
Ouch. Surely things can’t get any worse?
Ahahahaha. Let’s go find out.
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. II: Spoony Bard
Now that we’ve had a taste of the current generation of graphics, here’s a quick glance at the 1991 original SNES graphics of Final Fantasy IV (released in English as FFII, since the previous two games weren’t):
I’m glad that old-school players were able to fall in love with FFIV despite the choppy translation. Then again, I adore FFV, even though my version is the uninspired PS1 translation.
All right! Let’s go rescue Rosa!
Final Fantasy IV Recap, Ep. I: No Matter How Dark the Knight
Once again, I’m playing the iPad remaster of the the Nintendo DS remake of the original NES Final Fantasy IV — got that? The iOS version is almost identical to the DS, except with crisper graphics and a lack of overwrought Opening FMVs. So here’s the DS opening:
Aaah, shiny. I’m relieved that the laws of physics are different in Final Fantasy, because our metaphorical Tower of Babel has reached the silly stage. At this rate, Final Fantasy XX will have to resort to something like the “How far is Mars?” animation to reach the top of the tower before the closing credits.